How to want

Thanksgiving is just around the corner, at least for those of us in the United States. The holiday has become nearly synonymous with the gift-buying frenzy of a weekend that follows it. But before you seek out the best deals Black Friday has to offer and select items for your loved ones, ask yourself: what about you? What do you want? 

More specifically, what do you want for your writing career in 2022 and beyond? 

Clients often tell me that they don’t really know what they want. “There are so many options,” they say. Or, “I could go any number of ways. I’m not sure what to choose.” 

I get it. In this day and age, we have myriad choices, and that can contribute to mental muddiness. 

But here’s the thing: with very few exceptions, my clients actually do know what they want. And so do you. 

Because when we say “options,” what we usually really mean is: 

• What feels doable

• What’s safe

• What’s socially acceptable to admit out loud

And those things are rarely what we really (really, really) want. 

So I’ll ask again: if you could have anything for your professional life, what would it be? 

Answering honestly—if only to yourself—is important for several reasons. For starters, pure desire is the most potent motivator known to humankind. When we want something, we’ll go to great lengths to get it. Perhaps more importantly, desire is a compass and a map rolled into one. Whenever you’re wondering whether to pursue an opportunity or spend time on a task, you can simply ask yourself: does this somehow serve my  goals and dreams? If the answer is yes, then go for it. If it’s no, then move on. 

So how do you harness the power of desire? 

First, name what you want. Feeling unsure? Ask yourself: if there was no way to jinx yourself, humiliate yourself, or bring about terrible consequences (as we so often erroneously believe will happen when we go for what we want), what would you have or do? Who would you be? 

Second, stop telling yourself stories about why you can’t have it. Blame cognitive bias, but when we plant an idea in our minds, before long, all we see is proof it’s true—which leads to apathy and inaction. Instead, tell yourself a better story, and start looking for evidence that that is true.

Third, get to work. Reaching your goals means being willing to take imperfect action, adjusting as needed based on the results, and then taking action again. Will you miss a few shots along the way? Guaranteed. But if you continue to show up and try, you might just amaze yourself. 

To all who are celebrating, happy Thanksgiving. I’m grateful for you.