How to handle criticism
Moment of truth: if you want to have a career as a writer, you’re going to face criticism. Whether it’s rejections from agents and editors, 1-star reader reviews, or a trade review like the one Publishers Weekly gave my debut (‘uneven,” “stale and clunky”—ouch), it’s the nature of the game.
Please don’t let the fear of criticism keep you from writing or getting published. Trust me—if this super sensitive author can handle it, anyone can. But know that the work doesn’t begin after publication. You should focus on getting better at handling criticism now. Here’s how.
1. Remember that it only means what you make it mean. A review or comment about your work doesn’t make you feel bad. Your thoughts about that review are what trigger emotions like shame and sadness. I’m not saying criticism doesn’t feel like a gut punch at times. But after it hits, ask yourself: “What am I making this comment mean?” The answer will probably be something along the lines of, “I’m a bad writer,” “I’m not cut out for publishing,” or “I should give this up.” Then ask yourself again: “Is that thought going to help me reach my goals?” (The answer will invariably be no.) Realizing that a thought isn’t serving you is the first step towards finding one that will.
2. Take control where you can. Here’s the thing: you don’t have to read everything that’s written about your work. In fact, I’d argue that you shouldn’t. Early in my career, I decided not to read most of my reviews. My husband skims my Amazon reviews for me and gives me the good stuff, and I stay far, far away from Goodreads (a.k.a. my least favorite place on the internet). Why? While I know how to cope with negativity, deliberately seeking it out just isn’t good for my productivity or my mental health.
Still in the drafting or editing stage? You can protect yourself by being careful about who you share your work with. And when you do, be specific about the type of feedback you want to receive. Instead of “What did you think?” try, “Can you tell me how I could have made this stronger?” or “Where did you stop believing the story, and why?” Good questions lead to good answers.
3. Work on your confidence. The criticism that hurts the most is the stuff that touches on our secret fears about ourselves. Say for example you know you’re great at dialogue, and a reader review says, “Her dialogue is terrible!” You’re going to think, That person’s an idiot! But if you secretly fear your dialogue is crap, that comment will really burn.
Yes, focus on getting better. But know that your worth doesn't come from your work. You're already good enough. And the fact that you're willing to make yourself vulnerable by sharing your words with others speaks volumes about who you are as a person.
Listen, so many writers never make it to publication or stop writing because they’re afraid of what strangers will say. Do you want to let some random person on the internet be the reason you don’t achieve your goals?
Me, neither.
—Camille