How to be disappointed

I’m not sure who needs to hear this today, but it’s okay to be disappointed.

Disappointed that reaching your goals is taking so long.

Disappointed your book didn’t sell as well as you wanted—or sell at all.

Disappointed that your friends or family aren’t more supportive of your dreams.

Disappointed that you didn’t start writing earlier.

Etc.

There’s a common misperception—which, admittedly, is upheld by extremely vocal toxic positivity pushers—that personal growth requires putting a positive spin on everything that happens. Otherwise, some say, you won’t make progress/appreciate your blessings/enjoy your life.

Um, no.

Not only is that not true (and often downright impossible), it’s usually counterproductive. Ignoring negative feelings doesn’t make them go away. Instead, it ultimately intensifies them—because your brain and body have to work so hard to repress those feelings, even as they toil to fake gratitude, enthusiasm, and happiness. It’s exhausting and it makes you feel worse.

So ... are you disappointed? Good. To paraphrase Bob Proctor, being dissatisfied is how we grow and create more for ourselves. It can be the fuel that helps us get to work.

Now, don’t use disappointment as your only fuel. Give yourself permission to want more. Make plans. Visualize success (my 11-year-old son hates when I say this, but it works). But if you wish things had been different, don’t pretend otherwise. Instead, take a few deep breaths, allow disappointment to be there, and if that’s not enough to begin to ease the pressure, talk it out with someone who gets it.

Then (you know what I’m going to say, right?) get back to writing.